DLEs own Robbert Graaf(RG) took the long journey up north from Rotenbach, to visit the (in)famous coach of the Praag Grizzlies. A team RG hailed as a team that could surprise and take a playoff spot in Sigmar Heldenhammer Conference this season. RG went to see how one of his favorite teams are holding up at midseason. This will be a lenghty one, so buckle up, dear readers!
***Wednesday 2518-03-28 15:02:24***
“A Robert Graaf interview Jeffrey! he is coming over personnally!. After this, i will be famous! I will get offers from the Chaos All Stars themselves!! Jeffrey, nothing will be the same again after this”
Coach sonrises walks around his office overly excited. Jeffrey watches him in disbelief…
“Listen Jeffrey! Get brand new furniture for this office. A large executive wood table with complements and all…and… bring all my trophies. Mr. Graaf must see my trophies!… and fancy coaching things… like O and X on a fancy board… and… and…”
“Coach…dont you think you are going a bit too far?” interrupts Jeffrey with a calm voice “Brand new expensive wood furniture, fancy coaching devices you will never use, trophies… What trophies by the way?? you never won anything relevant in your career!! Mr Graaf will notice…”
“Shup up Jeffrey!! And do as i command!. And get good Whiskey and Cigars!. Norsca Whiskey and Cathay Cigars! Plenty of them!! Now!”
***Tuesday 2518-04-03 19:41:44***
Coach sonrises is standing next to his trophycase, pretending to look natural. He has been practicing this pose for hours…Just to make an impression on Robert Graaf!
“Come in, come in mr.Graff!” says coach sonrises to his guest while turning around with his best smile across his face. The perfectly calculated motion allowed mr.Graff to have a good look at the brand new and shinny trophycase. A Rookie Royal Rumble and a CIBBL regional were easy to recognise. There were 2 more trophies from some extinct league and… nothing else really…”Take a sit, please sir. May i offer you some cigars and true Northern whiskey?” coach sonrises continues “Yeap,…what memories when i look at those trophies…those were good times! but let’s not waste more time on past glory… you are a busy man, i guess… so… shoot! we are ready for the interview”.
RG: I hailed you as a contender for a playoff spot before the season, now you are 3/2/3 half way through. Can you catch up with the knights, to get that wildcardspot?
Sonrises: “3/2/4 i am afraid sir….we lost to Los cabos last night…nothing worked last night…but anyway….playoff? Of course we want to play playoff! I heard a lot of nice things about this playoff tourney… so yes! we would like to be invited! I will talk to Grizzlies Management to apply for this Playoff tourney thing! Where is played?”
Jeffrey, who was attending the interview, rush next to his boss and whispears something to him. Coach sonrises seems to panic but pulls himself together and continues
Sonrises: “hahaha… just joking Mr. Graaf…. yes… playoff is a dream for this organisation mid-term, but it is difficult you know…we played those strong SHC west teams…and this 2nd half of the season, we will play…” Sonrises stops. He seems to have forgotten who grizzlies will play 2nd half of the season “…another set of fantastic teams for sure! and…we will play our division again! can you believe that? So annoying! Let me talk to you about our division rivals. The Vikings are not Human players! i know from a reliable source! They are cheating!! I have complained to the league officials about that but they are not doing anything! it is disgusting and unfair! They are not humans …they are elves pretending to be humans! All birth certificates are false!! false!! Is this a serious league? come on mr.Graaf. Look what this Vikings player got written in his tombstone (Here lies Robert griffin III who Made a 4+3+3+3+3+3+2+2+3+ run to pick up the ball and pass it for 2-2 against Praag Grizzlies muwhahaha)…and this Vikings elves come with this bullshit over and over again when we play them. And, let’s not forget CCC…all these gorgeous women sending kisses to my players to get them distracted and then… Booom! big hit! and another grizzlie get injured! They killed Lee Roy with such tactics! The kiss of death i call it! and you think the ref stops this ilegal behaviour? No, he doesn’t! and they have this guy too…Reiner Mahlau aka TJ Graham… he runs over half of the field in 13 steps!! yes! 13 steps…this should be ilegal! doping abuse, i would say, my dear sir…. and he has the bad habit to score a minimum of a couple 1 turners per season against us!. Finnally, the Pelts! they were so cute in the early days of DLE…and then…all of the sudden they became monsters!! Steroids!! steroids abuse!! and, do you think the league did anything about it? I gonna tell you…they did nothing!! So, how can we get to playoff with such a disgusting divisional games over and over again?”
RG: “Erhm. Yes. well.” Robbert Graaf looking at Jeffrey, like he doesn’t really know what he got himself into here.“Thank you for running us through your division, but about your own team?…i mean…You have a lot of injured players on your team. Is that a problem in order to reach playoffs this season? well, besides your division is a bunch of cheats.
Sonrises: Praag is a small market mr.Graaf. Grizzlies organisation dont have the budget other teams have in DLE…not even close! we need to be …how to say it?…creative when filling the roster each summer.
Popular teams get good ARC rankings and they get sponsorship deals and things and players just fly in like bees to a flower…just because…they are based in the South!! and they can lobby the ARC rankings editor! Disgusting! corruption!….anyway…
Here up north, we have to work the hell out of each gold coin and deeply prospect the free agents market in order to find good players. Some come with what other teams considered career ending injuries, like Busta Anderson. He came with a fractured skull and sold to us for sweeties. He has played 15 games as a grizzly now and 5 casualties scored with limited playing time.
Injuries you say? Player spirit, drive and will power I would say mr. Graaf… and top caliber coaching of course too. This is the secret in Blood Bowl!. let me…well…thank all my associates in the coaching staff for their effort in producing rivals and market scouting reports and other stuff…. of course, they just follow my instructions…and my experience and wisdom in the Blood Bowl business make their jobs piece of cake. So, yeah… we would get better ARC rankings if we were based down south and had all that money to sign flashy players and bribe ARC Rankings editors. It is not that we care much about ARC rankings really… i dont care the slightest but Grizzlies owners do!! Arcayn was my friend! How can he be so mean to me? He will get me sacked!!! Arggghhhh!
RG: …So you live a rough life up here in the north. But looking at your current crop of players, what players will you look to, in order to get the needed wins? (Jace Amaro maybe?)
Sonrises: “I need them all to perform at their best, no doubt about this. Game in and out we are facing Ma10, Str4, ag4, T-POMBERs and all sorts of player “freaks” in this league. I guess, this is the price to pay if one day i am to be coaching the “Reikland Reavers” for a 5 milion gold coins a season contract…I think DLE is a good place to get noticed and eventually make it with the Legends.”
RG: hmm… Reikland Reavers you say? Then you defenitely need to get to the playoff. Gunners, Thunder, River Bandits, Sluggers are all good teams. Even the sluggers got a win against below par 49’ers lately, and all 4 teams dropped points to Razorbacks. Do you have a gameplan ready when facing KFC East in the next half of the season?
Sonrises: “KFC east…mmmmm… Jeffrey! Scouting briefing on KFC east now!” Demands coach sonrises.
Jeffrey opens a notebook. He starts reading aloud:
“Coby Fleener…Vampire type. T.Y Hilton…Ultra agile leaper one turner. “The Guvnor”…Blodge ogre. Toretto…Doped blitzer. “The Beast” Jordan…Doped blitzer. Ray “pretty” Moore…Elfy. Andrew Luck…Pro Elf. Touati…killer blitzer. Stockwell…Killer blitzer. Jo..”
BOOM!!! A big noise is heard. Like a heavy metal piece had dropped flat on to the floor. Coach sonrises has dissapeared from sight… coach sonrises has fainted. He is unconcious.
“Coach? Coach? Are you ok?” Enquires mr. Graaf while aiding the unconcious body on the floor.
“He will be fine” replies Jeffrey. “This happens quite often… I should have given the bad news in small bits…”
At this very same moment, paramedics enter coach sonrises office…
With this Robbert Graaf says his goodbye to Jeffrey, and leaves for home. What a visit. What character this coach. Will he ever figure out what BB is, and is Jeffrey really running this team?
Robbert Graaf may have put his hopes too high with the Grizzlies this season. Next season. Maybe next season.