This newspaper hereby offers the sum of 200 Gold Crowns for the safe return to Middenheim of Robbert Graaf.
Our correspondent (unbeknownst to him) had been sent on a freelance investigative assignment to San Luis as league sources suggested that if we digged around the Estalian’s training ground and stadium we might uncover a dynamite story.
The last this newspaper heard from Herr Graaf is the attached first draft received via messenger pigeon.
We are worried for the safety of Herr Graaf and would urge any right minded league owners and coaches to help us…
>> Travelling by wagon can be a tideous way of travelling, so it was refreshing when DLE blitz! wanted to pay Robbert Graaf to visit San Luis 49ers. A travel by ship. How lovely. But entering the bay of San Luis, a funny smell was over the waters, and the water had a green glow to it. Well. Nothing should ruin this fine travel.
Graaf arrived at the golden mansion the 49ers have erected for the returned coach Neubau. On his way to the huge office he noticed the busts of erstwhile coaches in the back corner of a small room, Neubau’s countenance however was virtually everywhere. When he came past a room with a huge “Don’t enter!” sign he couldn’t help but glimpse the bright green glow shining through the crack of the door. He was immediately ushered away and finally arrived in Neubau’s office. Tomes with tactical tidbits littered the floor, an emissary from the Carstein family was on his way out and crates from a place called “The Blight Marshes” piled in one corner. “Ahh, Mr. Graaf” Neubau said. “Welcome to San Luis.” Green dust was still barely visible in his stubble and with eyes red and skin pale the head coach of the 49ers looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. But that wouldn’t stop Graaf, he started his questions.
1. Mr. Neubau. You had a marvellous return to the DLE and your old team. You even managed a trip to the playoffs. Please describe that journey for us!
“Coming back felt like coming home. A couple of faces were missing, a couple of new faces arrived while I was gone, but it was still MY team. My predecessor didn’t have the best record in season 5 and the playoffs looked out of reach, but my players where motivated and played their hearts out. If the Razorbacks didn’t score a very unlikely touchdown in the last seconds of my first game back we’d have started off with 6 wins. Going out in the playoffs to the later Super Bowl Winners and the best team in the league didn’t feel good, but it also wasn’t a catasrophe. Turning the season around and showing the DLE that the 49ers are back is a win in itself.”
2. In this draft you only drafted 3 players, and they were all linemen. Why only draft linemen? Your team only got 2 catchers…
“Have you seen the catchers in this draft? I’ve seen goblins more agile. And with Alshon and DeAndre we’ve already got two of the best catchers in the league. Jeffrey alone is as good as all of the KFCS catchers combined. Linemen are important though, we finally have a great core of players, but we need guys who can protect them. Guys that can take a hit, guys that stand next to an Ogre and laugh in his face. This is a Linemans’ job and the players we drafted are perfect for that. Combined with our natural training regime, I’m very pleased with the draft.”
3. What are your expectations for the coming season? Playoff again?
“Of course! the 49ers are one of the biggest teams in the league, so playoffs are almost a must. The KFCS is more competitive than ever though, so we have to work hard for it. Early injuries could derail the whole season, but we intend to continue to cause more damage than we receive. We also have a couple of prospect players that need to catch up to our proven core of star players, so development is the other important point this season. Training camps in Sylvania have already been booked, we have high hopes for Leon Sandcastle and DeAndre Hopkins further progress.”
4. How do you see your division next season with the return of Arcayn and his powerful high flying eagles?
“Coach who? Arcayn? Never heard of him. He probably was in a division where only one team ever wins. But it seems like he has brought a very capable team with him and he did well in the draft. This will make the KFCS even closer than it was, as the Eagles wont field a team of literal rookies anymore. We are looking forward to the challenge though and I suspect the Eagles will do more damage to teams that rely more on contact than the 49ers.”
5. Will your exit from the playoff at the hands of the Patriots spark a rivalry between the 2 teams?
If a single playoff loss against the patriots would spark a rivalry, they’d have half the league as rivals. Our eyes are firmly set on our KFCS opponents, the other teams we handle on a week to week basis.
6. What was that smell presumingly coming from the water in the bay? Can it be linked with your success in the training ground?
“We recently had a delivery of Warporaid from our suppliers at RatLocker. Just an energy drink. One of the ships sadly sunk in the bay, so some of that totally legal stuff ended up in the ocean. Don’t mind the mutated fish, they’ve been here since we had a friendly game with the Tor Anroc Anglers, or was it the Bordelleux Krakens? Anyway, nothing to do with the Warporaid. The success in training comes from hard work and our great coaching staff. We brought in outside help, the best in their field. Throt the Soiled is our conditioning trainer, just look at the development Leo has achieved under him. Elisabeth von Carstein helps in the agility department, we expect more successes in the following months here. The newest aquisition is Grimgor Ironback, who will help with resiliency training. So please, our success has nothing to do with illegal substances or vampiric rites. The jealousy of this league is unbearable sometimes.”
Coach Neubau sank back into his golden armchair, his eyes twitching to the drawer emitting a familiar green glow. Graaf was escorted out of the mansion. He couldn’t help but think that something was wrong here. He couldn’t say exactly what was off, but everything here in San Luis felt unreal. Was all this real gold? If yes, than why had it such an oily texture?
Leaving San Luis was just as nice as arriving, somehow. Warporaid in the water. Really? Who would even think to believe this. And coach neubau looking more and more like a Vampire? “My good team from Rotenbach better watch out when playing away against 49ers.”, Robbert Graaf was thinking to himself. Something fishy is in the water, and it is not Warporaid, that is for sure… <<
