The roar of canons and explosions outside are imperceptible as your correspondent watches a beautiful pyrotechnic display from inside the luxury (and soundproof) sky box at Artillery Field.
Nuln has outdone itself this week to mark “black powder week”. The fireworks, soundlessly, light up the night sky, as your correspondent watches, whilst waiting for the arrival of his host.
Coach Ben_awesome rushes in, making his apologies, he decants two generous measures of Nuln port into glasses, and we begin the interview.
Die Fauschlag Nachrichten: Coach Ben, its with pleasure that Blitz! is back sampling your hospitality! Blitz! has racked up the quite the frequent sailing miles visiting you, first in Talabheim, then Ogham and then back to the Empire in Nuln. Tell our readers where you favourite stop so far has been?
Coach Ben_awesome: Well, whilst the sluggers were my first stop, I never really connected with the fanbase and when fan favourite Barr died on my watch, things really began to turn ugly.
This came through when I faced them in my only ever play off appearance, they put in two or three blitz’s to deny me. There is no love. In fact, not withstanding my respect for Meanandugl, I’d not cross the road to piss on their stadium if it was on fire and I expect nothing less from them.
Being able to take bloodbowl to Albion, where they used to play football (with their feet not their hands before me) and be the only coach to beat the Patriots during two seasons, build the most magnificent stadium in the stone circle and set up their college of exceptional players, who even now are lighting up DLE is a personal high point. [Your correspondent notices the Coach getting slightly misty-eyed at this point]
DFN: You know my next question…
Coach B: Would I leave the gunners to go back? thats not a question I’m prepared to answer…
That said, I’m completely devoted to the black and gold gunners This team is exceptional and its down to me to do justice to my rising, and established stars.
DFN: You are always a man in demand by franchise ownership when jobs are available! What is the secret to your high profile and in demand style?
Coach B: I know lots of people’s secrets. Also being super friendly until I foul you in turn 16 helps.
DFN: What has surprised you most in this stint in the DLE?
Coach B: That I didn’t win the Superb Owl!
DFN: How did you feel your draft went? Did you take a different approach compared to drafts past and is there anything you are thinking of doing differently?
Coach B: We got what we wanted. We already had a great core, we wanted LOS players, we got LOS players, even with the deaths and injuries, we still have LOS players. However the loss of my kick skill is of great annoyance and something the Bruisers will regret!
DFN: What, if any, targets has ownership set for you for D14?
Coach B: To win everything, to have it all! If that could involve beating Coach Kondor in the Superb Owl, given out history, so much the better,!
DFN: Gunners underwent a successful restructure on your watch for S11, do you feel you have managed to build a solid identity? Is the team setup fully to your liking, or are there changes you still want to implement?
Coach B: Its got the basics, we lack some core skills in mighty blow and guard but hey fuck the norm we can win however we choose and you can’t stop us.
DFN: What’s your early season view of your rivals in the KFC?
Coach B: They’re soberer than me!
DFN: How do you think your old team(s) will do this season in the KFC?
Coach B:I really want the Griffins to do well, and beat the Classics to the PO’s. I also would like to crush the Sluggers in the PO’s and give their fans nightmares.
DFN: Finally, when can we expect some more Coach B content in Blitz!
Coach B: Errr errr errr, feed me some of that fine halfling brandy and find out?
With that, Coach Ben_awesome lowers the soundproofing and the full noise of the black powder week celebrations rush into the sky box. Its a stunning conclusion to the interview and a good metaphor for this season.
As your correspondent makes his way out of Artillery Field, (one bottle of brandy lighter), the Gunners are going to be explosive and loud, and it will be impossible to ignore them, or their Coach.