The sun shines brightly over the Mighty Redwood Arena. Your correspondent relaxes in a state room, a guest of the Log Cutters and Sawmills Foresters Association. A more than ample decanter of Wissenland Whiskey is laid out for me, along with some choice cuts of Pork and Sausages.
A confident looking C980522 walks in and greets me warmly, inviting me to take my fill before we start.
Die Fauschlag Nachrichten: Coach, you took the brave decision to restructure at seasons’ end – are you happy with the players you got?
• Given the way the previous season panned out we had no choice but to restructure. As the team with the largest increase in TV during the pre-season, we had gambled on having a successful season and building on that this season; however the medical department seemed to have other ideas, although an internal investigation did find that they had received payments from several individuals that could be linked to divisional rivals… We’ve since overhauled the medical department and hope that the example made of the previous medics (I especially enjoyed the keel hauling of the bandit’s saboteur and Specialone provided the whisky you are drinking for the abundance of food provided to the pig farm).
• Whilst the players received are excellent and certainly boost our offensive abilities you will note that there is still a distinct lack of guard and mighty blow within the team and we still have no replacement for Anthony Barr, other teams restructuring were able to address these weaknesses.
DFN: How do you feel your draft went?
• We had only a single pick of significance and we are very happy with Kenny Stills, we see a bright future for him assuming he can stay off the medical table.
DFN: Whilst the season start has not been ideal, are there any positives you have found so far?
• Our first game was against the restructured Griffins. The game plan there was only to ever survive the game given the style of play they employ. Against the Cardinals we had a pretty decent shot to draw or win the game; an errant pass in the first half and the blitz in the 2nd put paid to that, still Ray Moore is racking up the completions and passing yards, Kenny and Cordarrelle have both got scores on the board whilst Alfred is finally escaping the notice of the refs and wracking a decent numbers of boots to the face and has taken out some important players. Finally Elvis has learnt to hit harder, which is doubly important bearing in mind that Oday was retired in the very first block of our season.
DFN: Is there any player on the squad you hope to have a breakout season?
• Elvis ‘The Rant’ 2DB has promised to step up and try and feel Barr’s shoes whilst we also hope for Kenny to continue his fine run of form. Dominic Toretto is also a blitzer to watch, but Dion got caught by the medics and will be limping out the rest of the season.
DFN: Has there been anything surprising to you in the DLE this season so far?
• The failure of some of the biggest hardest hitting teams to hurt each other. Surely there is some sort of conSPIROcy whereby the biggest teams fail to record any significant injuries to each other?
DFN: 17 Fouls in 2 games is impressive. Given the change in management in Averheim, do you think you can wrestle the crown of dirtiest team away from Middenheim?
• Middenheim won’t know what has hit them. Literally as the object in question will be in a sack and they can’t see it. Besides their coach has changed their playstyle to an agility style of play.
• Really we need to watch out for the piglets taking back the crown for fouls and perhaps the Rangers, they like a bit of blood on their boots.
DFN: KFCE has had a rough start to the season generally, apart from Nuln. Do you make then early divisional favourites and will you employ any mind games against your rival to train and haul them in?
• The Gunners will come unstuck at some point…
DFN: The ARC Power rankings have familiar names at the top, do you see any dark horses breaking in or do you see the Super Bowl finalists from amongst those upper tier teams?
• The Buccaneers will look to make a statement this season after the disasters of last season, and while the Wreckers have started this season in the same manner that last season finished they could pull themselves together at just the right moment to cause an upset.
• There’s also been a lot of coach changes recently as well as 3 non-coaching change restructures, it will be interesting to see how that works out, as several coaches who only arrived last season but now the draft and trading are done will have had the chance to make their mark on the team and set out to top the DLE.
• Oh and never count the Sluggers out ;-
With that, Coach makes his apologies and terminates the interview, he has a team prepare and a medical staff to continue to put the fear of Morr into.
